Comment · Sat, November 24, 2012
I've been struggling with severe depression and drug dependence lately. It ends today.
Original post in this thread
epiphany_throwaway · 234 points
For the last couple of years, I've been seriously contemplating suicide.
I felt like I was depending on other people and drugs for my happiness. When I was in a relationship, I was fine. When I was rolling, high, tweaked, etc, I was fine. But when it came down to relying on self confidence, I was shit. I hated myself. I saw myself as an addict with no future, unable to relate to the people around me living seemingly happy lives.
First it was weed (still love the stuff), then methylone, then mephedrone ($500 gone in a month), then 4-fa, then 3-fa, then adderall, then kratom, then tramadol. I wasn't doing these just to get high. I was using them to medicate. This was my mistake.
But it stops today. Right fucking now.
Today a friend made this allegory (paraphrased):
"[epiphany_throwaway], you're treating people like narcotics, and you're treating narcotics as a crutch. Relationships aren't supposed to medicate your perceived lack of self worth. Neither are drugs. You have to do it. Nothing else is going to work better than that. Nothing."
It makes so much sense when put into terms I am familiar with, as funny as that is. I'm still going to enjoy drugs here and there, but I'm bre…
What they were answering
[deleted] · 2 points
Also, since I noticed you've been taking kratom and tramadol, /r/OpiatesRecovery would love to have you as well. You can do this, you have the most important thing of all: You have a desire to get clean.
I'm an addict myself, so I sincerely wish you good luck! I know how difficult it can be.
u/MisterYouAreSoDumb
Kratom is fairly easy to get off of. Tramadol on the other hand, is harder. Not because of it's weak opiate agonism, but because it induces serotonin release. That's where the depression is going to come from. Many people forget that tramadol is more of a 5-HT drug than an opiate.