Comment · Sat, November 24, 2012
I've been struggling with severe depression and drug dependence lately. It ends today.
Original post in this thread
epiphany_throwaway · 234 points
For the last couple of years, I've been seriously contemplating suicide.
I felt like I was depending on other people and drugs for my happiness. When I was in a relationship, I was fine. When I was rolling, high, tweaked, etc, I was fine. But when it came down to relying on self confidence, I was shit. I hated myself. I saw myself as an addict with no future, unable to relate to the people around me living seemingly happy lives.
First it was weed (still love the stuff), then methylone, then mephedrone ($500 gone in a month), then 4-fa, then 3-fa, then adderall, then kratom, then tramadol. I wasn't doing these just to get high. I was using them to medicate. This was my mistake.
But it stops today. Right fucking now.
Today a friend made this allegory (paraphrased):
"[epiphany_throwaway], you're treating people like narcotics, and you're treating narcotics as a crutch. Relationships aren't supposed to medicate your perceived lack of self worth. Neither are drugs. You have to do it. Nothing else is going to work better than that. Nothing."
It makes so much sense when put into terms I am familiar with, as funny as that is. I'm still going to enjoy drugs here and there, but I'm bre…
What they were answering
epiphany_throwaway · 2 points
I was taking 3:1 piracetam/choline. I was feeling good for the first few days but I got EXTREMELY depressed after that. Like seriously contemplating taking every sedative I had in hopes that it would end me. After reading that many people have success with piracetam without supplementing choline (or just taking choline 1-2x weekly), I stopped the choline and stuck with 5g piracetam 2-3x daily. That may be a part of my burst of motivation to get my life back. Whatever it is, I like it. I've been up since fucking 2am (worked retail for black Friday) and it's 9:45pm now. I still feel great. I was chipper as hell all day after my friend said those words to me.
u/MisterYouAreSoDumb
I'm glad you figured out the choline thing. I keep posting that on /r/Nootropics so that people will stop perpetuating the misconception that racetams NEED choline supplementation. I am like you, and went through a really bad depression. If I take choline, I feel that feeling coming back. No choline supplementation, I feel great, with no headaches!
p.s. Fuck yeah, I'm glad you are breaking the cycle!