Comment · Wed, November 20, 2013
how my fucking day went
Original post in this thread
[deleted] · 7 points
woke up sick as shit, didn't go to school
slept all day
Went to psychiatrist with my bitch mom and my cool dad (who I'm currently living with)
Mom told her I'm "addicted to weed"
Psychiatrist took me off all my meds cold turkey - Vyvanse 60mg, adderall IR 30mg Effexor 300mg Xanax 1.5mg Zoloft idk mg, and like 2 other bipolar drugs.
Now I have no medication.
I'll be on probation soon.
And my moms still a psycho manipulative bitch.
Got home, took leftovers of my Vyvanse (6 capsules) and my adderall (9 capsules) and my Xanax (only one 2mg bar left) and flushed everything else
I've done much worse so I know I won't die.
Buying some tweak in about 10 minutes.
Also getting some H tomorrow.
I want to kill myself but I can't.
I'll just go chain smoke and think about what I did wrong
Edit: Just asked my dad and i was on some drug called "lamictal" (spellcheck) and lithium.
The thing is, no, I don't want to kill myself. I only hope one day something falls on my head and kills me. But I also hope that doesn't happen. I hope maybe I'll stand atop a building, pondering jumping. As I turn around and walk away, a large gust of wind can not-so-gently push me off the building…
What they were answering
[deleted] · -4 points
Trust me, I know this. I know what I'm doing to my body and mind is extremely unhealthy, and I know it makes me susceptible to overpowering addictions, difficulties with life overall, and even death.
But I've learned to accept it. I've learned that while what I'm doing is bad, and unhealthy, and just this whole array of shit... I can't stop it.
I've tried so many times to quit drugs, and I can't help but come running back.
Life sober is too boring for me. It's not enough, and with the opportunity given to all of us to use drugs and enhance life so much - it's hard to give it up.
I'd be truly content living to 40, or 50.
My goal isn't growing old and dying alone in my bed at 80.
I don't want to deal with all the shit attributed with living a long time.
I don't want to deal with life without drugs.
I'd rather have a shorter, yet much more enjoyable life than a much longer and much less enjoyable life, with 20 or more years of living dealing with everything that comes with old age.
So many people have tried to get me to change, and I'm honesty an extremely open-minded person. I've tried to quit. I've tried really hard, and I've tried a lot. I just can't do it. I really, truly cannot do it.
I've made up my mind that I will absolutely use drugs until I either die, or somehow find no magic in them anymore.
I'm sorry. I wish I could change, for my friends, for m…
u/MisterYouAreSoDumb
You can change, but you are too ignorant to see how much of a half-life you are leading. You don't really know what living is. You've never experienced life, so you think what there is out there for you is too boring without drugs. You are a fool.
Life is more amazing than you can possibly fathom. There are highs so great and lows so low that you just cannot even put them into words. The power that your brain possesses can take you to places you never even dreamed of. Fuck drugs. Your brain is what really has the power. Drugs can be used to augment your reality, and to shift your perspective. However, it is your brain that is really in control. But you seem content to relegate that control for no reason, other than your own naivety.
Listen, I've been through depression too. I've almost killed myself on multiple occasions. The vast pit of darkness that I experienced during the peak of my depression cannot be put into words. The absolute nothingness of the void is a fucking scary place. Life is everything. You have the opportunity to take yourself anywhere you want to go; from the highest peaks of happiness to the lowest lows of heartache. But death? That's pure nothingness.
You can say you are an open-minded person all day long, while espousing close-minded bullshit. It doesn't make any of it true. You have the power to change whatever you want to change. So if you truly have made up your mind to relegate yourself to nothingness, then own up to it. Because it's your choice, not some fucking unmovable blockade that you are powerless to get by. You are choosing to feel what you are feeling. You are choosing to ignore the amazing opportunity that life provides you. Ignorance is not fucking bliss. Ignorance is cowardice. Ignorance is convincing yourself you know everything, because you are too afraid to admit you know nothing.
So while your mom may not possess the tact to explain it to you, nor the understanding of drugs to grasp your feelings, she knows better than you do. Because it's not the drugs she is fighting, it's you. The sooner you admit that you don't know everything, the sooner you can take control of your feelings. Because right now, you are not living. It's your choice to make. I truly hope you make the right one. Because once you truly live life, you will NEVER look back.