Aww hell no. (Is that a cockroach?)

I've had one of these in my ear. Woke up at 230 am by a tickling sensation as it crawled in. Being half asleep and unaware I poked it. It got frightened and went right on in.

Girlfriend and I called a taxi and headed for the ER, while this thing periodically tried to dig deeper, causing me to spasm and claw at my head (this raised more than a few eyebrows in the waiting room).

Attending doctor had never seen anything like it and had about as much clue as i did how to get it out. He tried:

* Tweezers, annoyed it, tried to dig deeper.
* Small amounts of water. annoyed it, tried digging deeper.
* Fatal blow was delivered with some sort of oil. The sensation of a drowning insect in an earful of heavy liquid is not pleasant.
* Once dead, tweezers were again unsuccessfully applied to extract.
* Then genius MD settled on high-pressure water to flush it out. This disintegrates the cockroach.

He got some of it out, but the water had embedded pieces of bug in everything. I was sent home with painkillers and a referral to an ENT the next day, who performed the extraction, sans anaesthetic, with a funnel thing, a long set of tweezers, and a lot of "HOLD STILL HOLD STILL" while attempting to avoid bursting my somehow still intact eardrum. Procedure took about 10 minutes. Then I got some gooey medicine stuff to put in my ear 3 times daily for a week.

The real kicker came a few weeks…